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Published Wednesday, April 22, 2009 by Chairman.
Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie were two of the most eagerly-anticipated guests at last nights Baftas, having won three nominations between them. But Im told that the Hollywood couples attendance was far from guaranteed. In fact, as the first of the guests arrived on the red carpet, organisers claimed that they still werent sure whether Brangelina would make it. Hours previously, Jolie had been pictured in Thailand, which she was visiting in her role as a United Nations Goodwill Ambassador and, although she had booked a suite at Londons Dorchester hotel, she hadnt been photographed since.
No one but Tank Turner can take your girlfriend on a date and offend her in ten different ways in two hours flat. Its what I do, he explains. Hes a professional asshole, hired to scare your cherished one into running right back into your unworthy arms. Hes played by Dane Cook, whoif youve seen his nine-episode HBO miniseries Tourgasm is a bit of an asshole himself. Tanks latest assignment is to take out his best friend/roommate Dustins (Jason Biggs) ex/co-worker, Alexis (Razzie nominee Kate Hudson), lest Dustin spend every future Saturday night of his life with his crate of porn tapes (for the record, the Lawrence of a Labia gag was used twice this year, the other time being in Zack and Miri Make a Porno ).